"We spend our whole lives living the life others have designed for us rather than those that we have been designed for." Terry Weaver, "Making Elephants Fly"

Jeff Goins uses his life story to challenge us. He urges us to be true to ourselves, not to others' views of who we should be.

He revealed a deep look at his journey to overcome the shame and ridicule that many of us have faced in life. He detailed how this struggle followed him into adulthood. It persisted even after he built a million-dollar business in a short time.

Jeff Goins is an American author, speaker, and entrepreneur best known for his books on personal development and creativity, including The Art of Work and Real Artists Don't Starve.

He is widely recognized for his work on helping people discover their calling and build meaningful careers.

Through his blog and writing, Goins has inspired thousands of individuals to embrace their passions, overcome fear, and pursue their creative ambitions.

Jeff begins by telling a story of his life that dates back to his 7th-grade year in school.

The Teen Years: Chasing Popularity

On his journey, Jeff chased what would make him popular. He ignored his true self, what made him happy, and his own idea of success. Instead, he followed others' standards.

His journey went from trying to use a Nike shirt to become popular in high school to using the fame he gained from a successful band performance to win him popularity in college.

On his journey, he thought he found his ticket to success. But when he achieved it, the feeling of success didn’t come. If it did, it faded quickly.

Adulthood: Chasing Success

This trend continued into his adult life when he discovered his life’s mission, purpose, or gifting was to be a writer at a conference he paid $250 for.

This made him write with much greater intensity than ever. As a result, he greatly multiplied his income at a non-profit in months.

Once Jeff took this path full-time, his income soared. Within years, he built a million-dollar business.

At this point, something surprising happened to Jeff. While at the mountaintop of his career with success so many would envy, he still didn’t feel like a success.

He then thought the next step was to grow, grow, and grow the business some more because that was what “everyone else” was doing and what was expected of someone in his position.

He succeeded and grew his business into a larger company with more products, services, conferences, and subscribers.

Success Didn't Feel Like Success

One day, Jeff woke up and realized after a conversation with his business coach he never wanted to run a large company.

This new success was making him miserable. He still felt like a failure inside.

This set Jeff on a path of ruthless self-discovery, where he worked to find out what his definition of success looked like and what his path should actually be.

He asked questions like these:

• If I stop performing, will people still like me?

• If I stop creating, will people still like me?

• If I stop writing, will people still like me for just being me?

Over a period of time, Jeff came to the self-understanding that it is better to strip off the mask, costumes, and fake fronts he was putting forth and start just being the best version of himself.

Stop trying to impress others by achieving their version of success. Just follow your heart and let the world see it!

Reinventing Your Sense of Self: A Journey Toward Authentic Identity

We live in a world that pushes us to be someone we're not. It urges us to chase ideals and wear masks that don't match our true selves.

What if the key to happiness is not about impressing others?

What if it is about embracing our true selves?

This journey of self-discovery, personal identity, and finding our core values is crucial for building a strong sense of self. This post will show you how to let go of what isn’t you.

You’ll discover how to embrace your true identity and learn to trust yourself along the way. By the end, you’ll have a roadmap for your own personal identity formation and a renewed sense of purpose.

Why Our Sense of Self Matters

At the end of the day, how we perceive ourselves defines the quality of our lives. A strong sense of self means more than knowing who you are in work or relationships.

It's about understanding your core values and personality traits. It's about embracing your true identity.

Whether you’re going through an identity crisis, exploring new ways of being, or simply seeking to understand your future self, it’s essential to begin with a clear understanding of who you are.

This clarity helps you make decisions, build healthy relationships, and find personal fulfillment.

What Is the Concept of Identity?

Identity is how we define ourselves. It includes our traits, values, beliefs, and social roles.

It’s a combination of both how we see ourselves (our self-concept) and how we believe others perceive us. But identity isn’t fixed—it evolves over time as we go through various life experiences. Whether you’re 20 or 60, you’ll find that your identity is shaped by life’s big questions and ongoing identity exploration.

The Lifelong Process of Identity Formation

Identity formation is not something that happens overnight. It’s a lifelong process, influenced by a variety of factors like family, culture, personal experiences, and even astrology (yes, zodiac signs can play a part!).

As young people, we explore different identities. We seek to know who we are, who we want to be, and how we fit into the world.

Over time, these different versions of ourselves merge into a more cohesive identity. But it’s important to remember that this process never ends—it continues to evolve throughout our lives.

How Social Media Shapes Our Identity

In the age of social media, we’re constantly exposed to other people's curated versions of their identities.

This can create pressure to conform, to craft an image that’s acceptable or even “ideal” to the rest of the world. But these platforms often promote a version of identity that’s far from authentic.

Understanding social media's role in shaping our sense of self is crucial for staying grounded in your true self. Are you living your life for likes, or are you being true to who you really are?

The Role of Family Members in Shaping Identity

Family members are key to forming our identities, especially in childhood and adolescence. Whether it’s the values they instill in us or how they express love and support, these relationships deeply affect our self-concept.

However, it’s important to distinguish between the influence of family and the need to develop your own identity. Over time, your sense of self should move beyond the roles they expect you to play.

Exploring Different Ways to Define Yourself

There are many ways to define who you are. For some, it might be through their profession, like a teacher or an entrepreneur. For others, it could be through their hobbies, personality traits, or values.

It’s also helpful to consider other parts of your identity, such as cultural heritage or the sports teams you support. By exploring different identities, you can better understand the facets of who you truly are and what you value most.

Understanding Personality Traits and Their Impact

Your personality traits are key parts of your identity. Whether you're introverted or extroverted, analytical or creative, these traits influence how you interact with the world.

Personality tests can provide valuable insights into your strengths and areas for growth. The more you understand your personality, the easier it becomes to align your actions with your true self.

The Influence of Life Events on Personal Identity

Whether positive or negative, life events play a significant role in shaping who we are. Major life transitions such as moving to a new city, starting a family, or losing a loved one can prompt identity changes.

These experiences challenge our understanding of who we are and force us to reevaluate our values and priorities. Embracing these changes can lead to stronger personal identities that are more authentic and grounded.

Navigating an Identity Crisis: When You Feel Lost

An identity crisis occurs when we struggle to understand who we are or where we’re headed in life. This is a natural part of personal growth, especially during major life transitions. If you’re feeling lost, it’s a signal that it might be time for an identity exploration phase.

Embrace the uncertainty, and allow yourself to ask the big questions.

Who are you really?

What do you want your future self to look like?

Personal Identity vs. Professional Identity: Striking a Balance

Many of us struggle with balancing our personal identity with our professional identity. It's easy to let your career define you, especially when success is tied to external expectations.

However, it’s important to remember that you are more than your job title.

Striking a balance between professional and personal identities allows for a more fulfilling and authentic life. It’s all about recognizing that your worth isn’t determined solely by what you do for a living.

What Does It Mean to Be True to Yourself?

Being true to yourself means living authentically, without pretending to be someone else or following others’ versions of success. It involves trusting your inner voice, accepting your imperfections, and being honest about your needs and desires.

This might be a difficult journey, especially if you’ve spent years wearing a mask. But the true joy of life comes from embracing your true self, quirks and all.

Jeff Goins suggests 3 steps to discovering your own true identity based on his life's journey.