Your Tone Matters
Recently I had a brief conversation with a mid-level manager of a company requesting their help with some needed information. This person had been responsible for providing such information in the past but apparently does not any more. Instead of kindly referring me to the appropriate individual they proceeded to scold me like a mother would a child for throwing a temper tantrum.
Eventually this person gave the name of the person I needed to talk to for my request. I am not sure if this person was having a bad day or what, but they sure didn’t add any sunshine to mine. It is very important to remember the tone of our interactions matter even more than the words we use in many cases.
A friend of mine has often told me of the negative impact one of their team members has on the entire organization because of their harsh tone in interactions with others. This individual is a hard-driving results oriented person who gets a lot accomplished in his job, but it comes with a price. There is a lot of carnage left behind when he is done dealing with people. This negatively impacts this person’s long-term success and effectiveness and greatly dilutes the effectiveness of the entire organization they are a part of.
Early in my career a dear friend and close direct report put a mirror in front of my face and showed me that I often used a harsh tone to get things done in the organization I was running at the time. I was reverting to the use of fear and manipulation to achieve the results I desired instead of building trusting relationships and influencing team members in a more effective and positive manner. This is something I have had to work on for years and must continue to be aware of at work and home. When I am tired or stressed I can fall back into old bad habits.
Take a look in the mirror and make sure your tone is not negatively impacting your relationships whether at work or home.
Thoughts to Ponder About The Impact of Your Tone:
1. Impact: Your tone impacts your audience. The outcome of your communication is greatly impacted by the way you say what you say. Do you desire to leave a positive or negative impact on people? If you desire to have a positive impact on people in your daily interactions, which I hope you do, you must be aware of your tone and intentional about how you use it as you communicate with others.
2. Emotion: Your emotion can impact your tone in a positive and negative manner. Develop emotional intelligence in your dealings with others.
3. Pain breeds Pain: It has often been said that hurt people hurt people. If you have experienced hurt in your life be aware that it is common for people in this situation to hurt others.
4. Deposits and Withdrawals: John Maxwell stated in his great book, Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time, illustrates that our relationships can be like a savings account. You make deposits and withdrawals. When you use the wrong tone you make withdrawals from your relationships with others. When you have positive interactions with others and add value to them you make deposits. If you withdraw more than you deposit in your relationships then you create a relationship debt the destroys the effectiveness of that relationship and diminishes your influence in that relationship.Remember that there are consequences to our interactions with others.
5. Representation & Reputation: You’re representing you, your company, your family and your faith & values by the behaviors you exhibit daily. Your tone came negatively impact your reputation among your peers, your family and your community.
Some helpful resources to help you address issues with your tone and communication challenges.
Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time
Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition
Emotional Intelligence: 10th Anniversary Edition; Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
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